If you have ever seen the music video for Muse’s Undisclosed Desires, you will agree that it is probably the most orgasmic thing ever to debut in pop culture. When I took a film class my sophomore year at MSU, I requested the video be played so often that I came to be known as “Musey.” Also, “that annoying guy” and “goddamn-it-will-you-shut-the-fuck-up-about-them-already”. After a dozen or so requests, my professor threatened to drop me from the class, and I pretended to let it go and that I was as enthralled with The Third Man and The Maltese Falcon as my peers, but really I was just lusting after lead singer Matthew Bellamy. I was therefore wholly unprepared for most of the discussions throughout the semester and ended up not getting credit for the course.
Though I tend to have a flippant impression on students and teachers alike, I actually had a strong preference for not failing my classes and few inhibitions as to what measures I was willing to take to achieve this, a fact propagated by the testimony of my former English professor. Given my reputation among the faculty, I did not think attempting to seduce my film professor would be entirely unexpected. I spent the last week of the semester, therefore, shooting my own sexy dance video to the music of Undisclosed Desires in my friend Naomi’s garage. I titled it “Your Lord and Xavier” and sent it to all the males and females in my class, and also my professor.
The video only ran four minutes, but I spent almost two days designing and constructing the set and costumes, about ten hours filming, and about fifteen hours editing. I also spent more than 500$ on equipment and props and 120$ on parking for Naomi while I was using her garage. Another incident ended up costing me an additional 300$. During filming one morning, the cat belonging to the couple across the hall snuck into the garage and injured itself with one of the pyrotechnic devices I had set up. I wrapped the cat, named Tigris, in a blanket and took it across the hall. Only the husband was home at the time, so I paid him for the cat’s treatments and for his silence. A month later, when Naomi and I went on a date with the couple, Naomi mentioned that she had not seen Tigris in a while. The husband gave me a significant look and answered that Tigris had run away.